Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You took a bar mat shot.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
