it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
