I think I died a long time ago.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
