We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
