yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
