I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
