Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
