I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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