I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
