smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
