no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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