Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
