Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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