we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
