In the future we'll all be gay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
