I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
