I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
