Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
