Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
