if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
