you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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