Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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