would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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