remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
