Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
