I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
