have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
