He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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