isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
