I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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