There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
