im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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