I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently you make a good broom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
