I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
