two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
