atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
