alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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