and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
