your parents love me but you hate me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
