I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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