Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
