don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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