k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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