She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your penis caused this!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
