So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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