I hate your face
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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