Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
