Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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