Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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