would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
